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No one prepares you for the time when you realize the fact that your spouse or romantic partner is gay in reality. While this knowledge can be upsetting if you are straight, it can also be emotionally crushing. Feelings of betrayal, hurt and anger are normal. But, in the heat of the moment, you may do irreparable damage to your relationship or your partner’s self-esteem. Hence, here are a few things that you must not do after discovering that your lover is homosexual.
1. One of the first things to remember is that you must not isolate yourself. Instead, surround yourself with people who care about you and friends so that you have a ready support group there to help you.
2. Do not shy away from seeking professional help from a therapist or family counsellor to help you come to terms with the fact that your partner has come out of the closet unexpectedly.
3. Do not assume your partner is gay, have a word with them for they may even be bisexual and have had an indiscretion or instance of infidelity that you need to address. Remember that only your partner shall be able to inform you of their true sexual identity, so you must allow them the opportunity to discuss the matter.
4. Do not accept that your marriage is instantly over. You need to speak to your partner and discuss how best to move ahead.
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5. Most importantly, you must realize that you are not to blame. Do not berate yourself for "making" your husband gay. You must also ensure no one from his family blames you for his sexual identity. After all, conversion is not possible and you cannot turn an individual gay by your actions.
6. While it is natural for you to feel deceived and upset do not let your emotions make you forget the good memories that you have made with your partner.
Cherish the good times and accept the reality so that you may rebuild your love life anew and part with your spouse on good terms, should you wish to walk away.
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